Wishy-Washy

Emmie Ann ran into the kitchen, "Will hit me!" She turned around and ran back out. Not by my super-mom hearing, but because they were just in the living room, I heard Will's attack, "Don't tattle on me! I'm gonna get in trouble and it's YOUR fault!" He met my eyes as he stormed into the kitchen, "Emmie Ann tattled on me!" She cried, upset from the hit and now his verbal attack; he cried, mad he was caught and knowing he was guilty...
I took a deep breath and began to sort the "he said- she said" out of the problem and get back to what caused it all... Will hit Em because she had something he wanted. That was the problem to deal with, so that's where we started.

Life is like that, I later thought as I threw a load of dirty clothes into the washing machine. How much of my time do I waste trying to sort the facts, the opinions, the details out of it before I remember what it is really about. Too often I let life get ahold of my thoughts and I start trying to figure things out on my own. Like Will, I try to defend myself when I should just realize I started it. My life is about more.
Much more.
My life is about a God, a God who made himself man, who came down here to live in dirt though he was pure. This God withstood attacks verbally, allowed sin to spit on him, and then bled to death on a cross for me. Dirty, sinful, doubtful, anxious, worrying, opinionated, defensive me.

And, as I stood in my "laundry closet" (because if you've been to my house lately, you know it is unfair to call it a "room"), I watched those dirty clothes go around and around. And, I prayed. I prayed God could help wash the dirt from my life so that I could come out clean. This I may have to pray ten times a day, but I pray God allows me to see Him through the dirt. I don't want to live a wishy-washy life; I want to live a life firm in Him.

Love-Hate Relationship

What I LOVE about California:
- my new friends here
- my church
- Scott's one job... not multiple ones
- Will's school and teacher
- my excuse to get a mini-van
- the geography- lots to see and experience
- living within two hours of so many neat things
- my fresh start
- having a sidewalk in front of my house
- good neighbors
- smaller house- easier to clean!

What I HATE about California:
- the government

(oh, and of course, all the missing of my friends and family back home)

Before we even moved to CA, I took the time to start the process to get CA teaching credentials. There is no reciprocity between CA and GA, or other states for that matter, when it comes to teaching credentials. So, I filled out the paperwork, collected all the thousand of documents (transcripts, certificates, Praxis test scores... and it goes on). In June I signed up, paid for, and then took the CBEST test. By late July I had gotten those test scores back (Passed) and could send in my paperwork to the California Commission on Teacher Credentials. They received, documented that they received the paperwork, and listed my file on-line with an Aug 19 entry date.

Today is October 21. The Commission is only now evaluating paperwork submitted by July 28... I'm at least still a month away from finding out what else I have to do to be certified here.
In the meantime, I've decided to start substituting and just applying for positions for the heck of it. I actually had an interview Friday with a school near us. It was for a teacher aide, 3 hours a day, 5 days per week. I wouldn't make enough to cover childcare for Em! So, I declined. Then, the principal called my yesterday to see if I'd be willing to work in another way there. I told him I was filling out Sub paperwork already. He said he'd have me at least 2 subbing jobs per week, more if I want them, and possibly long-term subbing at well. Yeah! I loved the interview team from the school, so things were looking up.

Until I had to go to the county office of education today and APPLY for a 30 Substitute Permit. I said, out loud, "Seriously?"
"It's just how it is," the office of ed lady told me.
I then teared up and told her how I just want to go home.

I'm used to the county being the school district. Not so much that way here. There is a county office of ed, not sure why, because there are 18 school districts working independently within our county! If I have a 9th grader and an 8th grader, in two districts because K-8 is in one and 9-12 is in another, then I'd have 2 different district calendars, holiday dates, etc. And if I want to work in multiple districts, I have to apply to each individually...

Okay. So I paid $50 for the CBEST, $55 for the application fee for credentials, $70 to have a LiveScan (digital fingerprinted) done for the credential application, $76 to the county office of Ed to apply for a substituting (and an additional LiveScan), AND $57 to the state again for a Sub Permit. And, once I decide to get hired by a district as a full-time teacher, I'll have to do ANOTHER LiveScan for that district... $60.

Do I really want to teach? I think I'd make a heck of a secretary...

Out Smarted

I've been babysitting for the past month with a 17 month-old and a two-and-a-half year-old; plus Emmie Ann and Will. When Will's at school in the mornings, the little girls, all three of them, love to go into Em's room, turn on the radio, and spin and dance, jump and hop, or just bounce around the room.

I was putting away dishes in the kitchen when Em ran into see talk to me this morning. She said that the radio wouldn't come on, which was her way of asking me to come fix it. So, I went into the bedroom. I plugged it in, put in a CD, and was then told to leave them alone.

As I walked out, I said, "I don't want to see ya'll jumping on the bed."
"Then leave so I can close the door," Em replied very matter of factly.

I was out smarted by a three-year-old. Yet, the door is still open...

This just in...

Not much going on here. We're enjoying the transition into fall. Cooler weather is nice!
Soccer is half way there for Will. I can't believe how much he's improving. And, it's not so much improving as it is beginning to understand what to do out on the field. He loves games.
Emmie Ann has settled well into school. She really looks forward to going Tues and Thurs mornings.

We've purchased our Halloween costumes.. one Little Mermaid and one Policeman. My days of theme-planned costumes looks like it's over. They are both way too opinionated about what they will wear. We're planning on getting together with our good friends, for a total of 300 (or so it can feel like) kids to do some party games and a little trick-or-treating.

Our biggest source of excitement, though, are the upcoming visits by Nana and Papa, and later in Nov, Mimi. Em spoke to Nana last night and said, "Our playroom is a mess."
Nana, speaking like herself, said "You better get that cleaned before I get there."
A few minutes later, as I was taking my turn to talk to Nana on the phone, Em ran into the living room, as if in a hurry, and yelled at Will, "You better come in here and help me clean the playroom right now before Nana gets here."
To which my mom replied, "Oh, bless her heart!"
Em thought it was like when we were back in GA and Nana could stop by anytime.

We are also all anticipating the holiday season. Every want is now "well, maybe you can ask Santa for it." Just yesterday, Scott was sitting at the table with Will as Will drew cars on paper. He asked Scott to spell Ford. Will is all into writing, how to spell things, etc. Scott spelled it and as Will wrote it down, Scott asked, "Are you writing Ford like my Ford?" Totally without skipping a beat, Will responded, "No, like the red Ford Mustang Convertible Powerwheels that Santa's gonna buy me from Wal-mart." Santa better get a second job.

Well, as for me, I've finally succumbed to the fact that I live in California. I've taken the step to officially become a California resident. No, it's not the fact that I left my job and moved everything I own 3,ooo miles away, enrolled my children in school here, or even the fact that I took the CA drivers test and have a licence from California. It has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't seen Georgia, my friends, and my family in almost five months. Actually, it's something much bigger... I have found a hair dresser and made an appointment. I officially feel as if I am laying down some roots here. I now live in California. I've moved.

I Lift My Eyes Toward the Hills

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over you coming and going both now and forevermore.

_____________________

In the past couple weeks I've watched a lot change around me. Right outside the weather is different- getting cooler, leaves falling, darker earlier, and at least ten minutes of rain Friday (the first rain we've seen in four months...that's another blog).

But I've also stood here while lives around me changed. In just a couple weeks, one friend's job status is changing- in turn, changing the family's future. Another friend lost a parent- and a family dynamic is altered. A third friend's diagnosis from a doctor has changed her health and made her fragile. A normal up-beat, optimist is now wondering if the glass was really half full.

If you know me, you know change is not something I can neccessarily deal with easily. Come on, I never moved until I left for college. Scott will tell you that big changes are easier for me to digest, but it's all the little changes that go along with it that crush me. I may not fall apart over the big ones because that is easier for me to say "it's God's plan." But, it's the small, day to day changes in my routine that throw me off.

About a year ago I vowed to go wherever God sent us. I laugh now. 3,000 miles away is a big change. Just over a year ago I was in the Beth Moore Bible study The Psalms of Asscent. Psalm 121 was one key Psalm we memorized from that study. Ancient Jews would travel to Jerusualm three times a year, and as they traveled and asscended into Jerusalm, they sang these very words.

God has a way of bringing things back up in our lives when we need them. And, when we see them again, we can't figure out for the life of us why we didn't think of that ourselves! That happened to me Sunday, sitting in church. Leonard actually spoke on this Psalm, and I sat there, wondering "why on earth did I not think to go back to this? I know this verse!"

In the past couple of weeks, as seasons of lives changed around me, I felt helpless. I couldn't assure my friend with plans, comfort a friend who was hurting, or heal any disease. But, I could find reassurance in the only place possible. My Lord. And, just when I needed to be reminded, he piped up and spoke.

I know that my help comes from the Lord and He is watching over my life. I know He does this for everyone of us. It's just like us humans to forget from time to time.